Lost Ambiguity

She was lying on the bed,
Wondering and introspecting about life…
Life in its different forms…
Of exploration…
Of dreams…
Of realities…
Of cruel lies and ties…


And of love…
Her head spun by the very thought of it…
It disgruntled and cried…
Yet pierced in her questions and doubts…


Love was simple to define
When it talked of mom and dad
Brother and sisters…
When it talked of peace and no wars
When it talked of compassion and sympathy…


But then spoke the silent meek voice,
About the love between her and him,
The invisible strands 
Of trust, care and life that held the two…
It was hard to analyze,
Harder to explain…


Surrounded and held in the buzz of plastics
Of plastic people 
And plastic world…
The definition of love diluted 
And she wondered what she believed in…
She doubted her stand 
And wobbled in an uneasy confusion… 


Untill he spoke 
“Our love is heavenly,
Not clouded by any vileness or lust,
But its pure and intimate,
Unlike any other… “
She pondered over it…
Repeating to herself the words again and again…
As though assuring her weary stand…


Her uneasy heart,
Caught up in an ambiguous state…
For the sight of people 
She saw,
Who played on name of love
Camouflaged with lust and insecurities…   
And wondered if she too
Looked like them while on streets with him…
She wondered 
If what she was against 
Was what she was a part of…
She stood transfixed 
Analyzing her ambiguous state…


But then the stories 
She read as a kid 
And innocently believed till date
Hadn’t faded yet…
But more importantly,
She’d made herself an individual 
With her unique identity
And was happy with her own…
She’d sought no one to depend on,
She was complete…


He was only a surprise 
Among the infinite surprises in life…
Someone who believed in her,
As strongly as she believed in herself…
Someone who innocently loved her,
More than she knew herself…
Someone who didn’t let her fairytales go astray..
Someone who sided by her
In the darkest of storms…
Someone who smiled
Even when she mistakenly lost her temper at him…
Someone who was equally kiddish 
Yet equally mature…
But that special someone 
Who you never knew could exist 
Till you met… 
For he was no different,
Rather her reflection…
She smiled as she sang these words to herself…
A smile lost in timelessness 
Of the beauty of what she shared with him…
Of love 
“Not clouded by any vileness or lust,
But pure and intimate “


Moments of scattered weariness 
And ambiguity 
Vanished into the thin open air….


He is unlike any other… <3 

Seems like just yesterday...

Was it yesterday,

When you hesitated to speak 

The words you held close to your heart…

Was it yesterday,

When you sat beside me holding me close,

And I leaned my trust on your shoulders…

Was it yesterday,

When I woke up in tears

Seeing a nightmare of you walking away…

Was it yesterday,

When I underwent metamorphosis

And you silently took in my raging tempers…

Was it yesterday,

When I blushed 

Accepting your proposal…

Was it yesterday,

When you promised you’d never let me go

And hugged me tight…

Was it yesterday,

When we silently stared at each other

With reassuring smiles of lifelong togetherness…

Was it yesterday,

When we jumped, hopped and ran 

In the spring wind…
Our craziness only we could comprehend…

Was it yesterday,

When we sang of stories of angels and knights

And the venture into the deep woods…

Of the dreams we dreamt

And the times we spent…

Seems like it was just yesterday

When I first saw you…

Drowning

You walked like another stranger…

Staring back at me with your innocent smile…

Fooled and betrayed by the world I’d seen…

You were another blur picture in front of me…

You were like the ripples in the water,

No matter how hard I tried to wash you away,

You reappeared yet again…

Determined not to drown into another bluehole

Of unknown whirlpools in depths of vast seas…

I tried swimming away from you…

But each time got pulled back … into you,

By the unknown threads that bound me to you,

Till I realized we were one…

You were no stranger,

You were a part of me… I’d refused to accept…

And now that you were near,

Reciting me things I’d wanted to hear…

My heart flew out into the open skies,

Flying… breaking the chains that held it to the ground…

Maybe I’d stepped into a wormhole,

And discovered a whole new life…

Entangled in the love mesh,

Holding onto the strings that bind us…

We drown together,

Into the bluehole, 

Lost in an unknown world of our ours…

Innocence

She’d built her walls of belief around her,

Silently sitting within the dark insides ….
Till dust enveloped her static silence…

And all colours faded slowly,

Cold, silent death was near….

But one fortunate day,

A razor sharp ray of light stroke through the inconceivable darkness…

Her eyes blurred for a moment or two,

As she saw someone breaking her grey walls…

In disbelief, she ignored it

As another false imagination of hers…

But the light grew stronger and stronger,

Warming her cold heart….

So she stood up uneasily,

And saw him smiling…

Confused between the hypocritical lies she’d known 

And his innocent smile

She stared at him blankly…

But bit by bit he broke all her walls,

And made her see something she couldn’t

Rather didn’t want to…

With light and warmth, 

All dust was washed away…

And all colours came rushing to her……

Her once deserted heart now rumbled with excitement,

Life was breathed into her

As she swayed to the rhythmic melodies of her own….

It took long

Till she realized it was all real….

But oh, how much he meant to her,

How grateful she was for him to have walked in,

She wondered what magic he’d possessed

For she remained the enchanted soul around him….

Her laughter and smile had returned 

After a long dry spell….

And it was difficult for her to believe

She was “indeed” living…..

So she wrapped her arms around him, 

And silently stared at his innocent smile

Her cheeks flushed red

And she smiled her endless long smile….

And together they walked

Through the flowered golden path of bliss….

Jaded

Stung by your cold silence,

Memories of past fade away...

As I try recall them again,

Trying to warm my broken heart…

It hurts only more…

As the heat burns the wounds 

Slashed by your coldness…

My insecurities vacuum the ray of hope…

Balancing myself on the confused thread

Wish you could reassure my stand…

The bright shimmering colours of past fade away…

Grey static bare walls grow between you and me

As I watch you turn your back at me,

Unspoken words fog the space between us…

Your silence separates us,

My fears resurface of you being a dream,

As you start to blur and slide away…

My hands can’t reach out to you 

Till you reach for me too…

Watching you dust away into the dark void

My voices remain inside me…

I hide my wounds,

Close my eyes,

Wishing it all to be a nightmare

But wake up to another dark dusted day

Your remnants washed away…

Remembering you ...

You are far away...

Preparing for war,
While I fight my lil' battles everyday,

You are out there,

Saving us all...

While I try to keep myself going each day...

You are so big,

I'm ashamed by my indifference..

You make me realize who I am,

Each time I recall your name...

You are my north star,

Shining bright...,

Guiding my sail through this life,

And I can't say I miss you,

'Cause your soul is here,

Right beside me...

You are my dream,

My light...

As I hope my mumbled prayers reach you;

With gratitude,

I bow my head...

And wish you good days ahead....

Amen.... 

Superman

Lying on the roof,

My head feels heavy,

And I blankly stare at the plain blue sky…

A billion thoughts speed across my lil’ brain…

Neurons overload, fuse…

And eyes get fogged for a moment…

I blink and look up at the clouds

And sincerely wish if superman could rescue me…

You wouldn’t believe,

But I saw him fly,

Through the clouds into the open sky,

I stood up on my toes

And waved my hand in air…

In a blink,

I was up in the skies

Crossing through the blue-white cover,

Secure in his warm arms…

I talk out all my troubles and miseries,

He listens to me patiently,

And says he knows how I feel,

And one by one he tells me all that he faces,

Of the infinite places he has to go,

And face worst of all days,

From freezing cold temperatures to burning hot deserts….

His list goes on,

And I silently listen to him while

All my troubles meekly run away into nothingness…

All I tell him is,

Whatever he does,

Wherever he goes,

It’s all for a genuine good cause…

'Cause after all he is the hero…

Together we fly

Over the high mountains, green lively pastures, deep dark valleys

Ruffling white waters and calm ocean blues…

Night sets in slowly,

And sky is a different hue,

Darkness covers us,

His eyes sparkle no less than the stars that surround him…

I ask if he has to leave,

Even though I know the world is calling out for him,

Even though I know he’ll be gone the very next minute

Into a land of uncertainties,

I only wish I could spend more time

In his warm, secure arms…

He replies with a wide smile'
'Cause he knows that I know he has to leave…

But reassures...:”we still got ten more minutes”…

So I try and freeze that moment

And photograph it in my memory

For I know next time, I call for him

He may not fly to me…

Tick-tock my watch screams out loud,

We spend our last minute in silent smiles…

And *swish* he vanishes into thin air

While I sit on my roof gazing at the sparkling stars…

I hear my mom calling out my name,

In no time she’s in front of me

Staring at my childish grin...

To which I reply: “I flew with Superman today”…

She raises an eyebrow,

And I smile back at her…

Ignoring my childish claims she walks away…

But I know well,

And my hearts speaks aloud:

“Superman… my hero... :)“

Amen

You say it won’t be our last,

And I wish the very same…




You are smiling,

But am watching you walk away,



Blurring into uncertainty…



When you’d come back,

I was overjoyed,

Million colours swam across me,



But when I sat down

To hear what you had to say,

Grief and honour spirited in me,

I bowed my head in gratitude,

And mumbled a silent prayer,

For those brave warriors’ sacrifice

Confused tears trickled down my chin,

But my fingers shivered and heart skipped a beat,

When you told, you’d go there…



There in the blazing fire,

Away in the misted fog of illusions

Fear engulfs the better part of me….



Your assuring words vacuum into emptiness…

I can hear the devil’s screaming laughter,

But I know he’s no strong

For those warriors’ sacrifice

Wouldn’t go in vain,

For those like you,

Would be armed to preserve humanity...



But fear dwells inside me,

'Cause I don’t want you to be

Just another sweet dream….

A letter from juliet....

This weekend is our last chance I see,
And I have other promises to keep….


I didn’t know this would be our last time,
I lived in a complacency that was comfortable to breathe,
But you’re breaking my complacent threads
By the reality you speak...


It’s hard to believe
And I know it’s time to bid farewell,
But I didn’t know the time would come so soon,
When I shall have to see you walk away…


I want to have my last words before you leave,
But secrecy makes it difficult for me to meet you,
The privacy that remains untold...


I cannot delay my prior engagements,
But I cannot bear the news of your leaving.
I want to have the last glimpse of you,
For we may not meet again,
It’s hard to say goodbye...


It pains to know that I may not be able express my last words to you,
But wherever you may be :


Remember that you shall forever be remembered by this heart


Though I write this in vain,
Hoping this letter would find you someday...


Here I stand in the dark woods, the moon lights up the sky,
The stars sparkle the night.


I love this solitary moment,
I close my eyes,
Remembering you once again, I hold the letter tight…


Cold wind breezes through me,
I loosen my grip and let the letter flow with wind...


It may not reach you,
But I shall know
That I’d pen down my feelings for you...


And maybe if you find this someday,
You would know what went through me
The night before you left…

Parted

Every time I hear your name,

My heart skips a beat….

What could be the news this time?

Another drama?

I hold my phone,

My best friend gal tells me all she knows,

And after I hear what she said….

I go numb,

Feels as though

A high speed car just hit me on the highway

And I lie there bleeding…

All things around me shatter

And I’m held in a void….

Why can’t things be as simple as they seem?

Why do relationships have to be so complicated..?

How do you define this kind of love?

How do you know the truth behind the curtains…?

Just cause we stay miles away,

Just cause we don’t meet everyday,

Just cause we don’t talk everyday,

Doesn’t mean we are different,

Doesn’t mean we can’t be together….

When there’s trust,

When there’s faith,

When there’s truth

No force can bring us down…

But when you smash the pillars

Of trust, faith, truth…

I’m blown to a void,

Where I just bleed…

Cause I wasn’t prepared for this,

You stabbed my back when I was smiling with you…..

But I can’t let myself break apart,

Cause I love myself

More than anyone…

I love my friends and brothers…

N I love my family and sisters….

I love the nature around me,

And I believe in God above…

There is so much to look forward to,

There’s so much I wanna be,

And you’re just some insignificant creature,

And am so much taller, so much taller than you……

But thank you for making me strong,

Thank you for telling me how low one could be,

Thank you for making me see,

It ain’t all that it seems….

You see I’d only tried to help you,

When I saw you were falling down,

But instead you tried to pull me down….

Now I’m laughing my heart out,

As I see you fall down,

I turn my back at you,

And walk past my past….

I can see my group of friends, family, sisters and brothers….

I’m walking with them…

Laughing, playing and smiling.

I can see the rainbow over me,

I can see the different colours of nature that once seemed grey…

I can feel the wind blow across my cheeks,

I can feel the sunshine

That shines on me….

I can see the life the way it is,

I can feel its beauty….

I can feel its presence….

My scar

I'm not as happy as I seem, 

You can't see deep down the scar i hide...
The pain i live with each day....
I try to keep myself busy
But I'm hurt
And the pain never goes...

Each time you betray my trust,
Each time you ignore me,
Each time you look down on me,
Each time you just pretend you're listening...

The scar just deepens,
And it hurts even more...

The hole in my heart...

Sitting on the bed
I’ve enough to fill my head…

Studies, friends, parents, hobbies…

But why is it I feel so dead?

I never needed you,

I never wanted you,

Then why did you even come near me?

Why did you intrude my heart and left a hole behind?

You were such a liar,

You were so stupid…

You said you loved me,

I know you never did,

You made promises

That you could never keep…

You were such a liar,

You were so stupid…

You’d text me four times a day,

And call every third day,

I tried to ignore you,

But never wanted to hurt you,

So I replied to your every silly msg…

You never understood me,

I knew you never could…

You said you wanted me,

But I know you never did,

Cause you were such a liar,

You were so stupid…

Now, its been four months since you ever called me,

Now, its been four months since you ever texted me,

Now, its been four months since you ever replied to me..

You were such a liar,

You were so stupid…

I tried my best not to think of you,

I tried my best not to care about you,

I tried my best forget you,

I tried my best to abuse you,

I tried my best to hate you,

But I never could,

I never could, I never could…

Cause you intruded my heart

And now you’ve left a hole behind…

Now I’m trying to move on,

Trying to forget you,

I don’t need an excuse,

I don’t want your apology…

Please just stay away from me…

Cause you are such a liar,

You are so stupid…

I never needed you,

I never wanted you…

And I’ll never forgive for what you did to me…

I know I’ll grow,

As time passes by,

And now the past is gone…

But I can’t forget you for what you did to me,

And I can’t forgive you, for what you did to me…

I never needed you,

I never wanted you,

Then why did you even come near me?

Why did you intrude my heart and left a hole behind?

If you could never be with me,

Just leave me alone,

Don’t try to come near me,

Just leave me, I’ll grow…

You are such a liar,

You are so stupid,

So please don’t come around

And hurt me again…

So just move on,

Leave me alone,

And I don’t want you,

I don’t need you…

Cause I don’t want to face the pain again…

And I wish you luck,

I hope you find someone someday…

Please don’t break her heart, the way you broke mine….

And I hope I never see you again… Goodbye…..