Broken pieces of mine rejoin,
As I hear your voice saying my name.
But torn for you tricked me more than once,
Bid goodbye even when you said you wouldn't.
You are not the perfect knight I dream,
But I know not why I smile everytime we meet.
Enveloped by darkness,
The night hides my fears
Perplexed I stare at stars aglow...
Wondering if ever my weary confusions did minutely matter,
If the universe I know,
Is the only one that exists...
If reality was a mirage,
And illusions momentary truths...
Its funny how you can't remember a single name,
But remember all memories of mine since the day I was born
For fate made us meet when we were toddlers...
But I know not who you are and who you grew up to be,
Of the billion girls you've had flings with,
And Romeo dialogues you recite
To every girl in your sight...
Somehow, I wish,
I never knew you
Somehow, I wish,
I could erase
All the awkwardness that continues to persist...
I don't want to recollect memories of us,
I don't want to hear you say things I wish to hear,
For we can never be together,
For reasons you know best...
But what will never change,
Is that you were the first,
That I can never wash away memories of you,
That you'll never know,
The way you make me feel...
I forgive you not but you are forgotten
Tethered broken pieces of glass scatter across the floor :
Your cracked reflections,
But not you.
Locked in momentary waves,
But lost in the ocean.
You are not forgiven, but forgotten.
Shadows that vanish with light shun upon,
Memories blackened when thought upon,
That's what you are :
Rusted silver ghost of past.
A joke, a commodity to inject pleasures
To your lifeless being, was what you presumed.
You are nothing but mudsand blurping for rescue,
Blind to its very self.
Your game and bouts of mocking laughter
Bells torments raging in me,
You are only hazy lines specked with crimson curses.
Forgotten but not forgiven.
Memories are a blur.
Of the unspoken words
And misunderstood grievances
Nothing to hold on to what may have seemed clear.
What may have seemed eternal,
What may have seemed true.
Memories are a blur
Not just in trials to do so
But in remembrance,
Of that which had been
And that which was to be….
Memories are a blur
Not just words slipped into phrases of self respect
But of faces that were alive.
Alive in color
Alive in flooded emotions.
Memories are a blur
Of people and places and time
Of trust, faith that were once sublime...
No moments to recollect
But scratched and screeched marks of moments passed by.
Memories are a blur
But sometimes they get clear,
Not all the strands
But in a second of emotion running past
As they slide past cold cheeks in its overbearing warmth :
Almost piercing.
Memories are a blur
In a mind space ramble of illusionary placid existence
Of fears that escalate
And murmurs heighten frequency
Florescent colours cloud your mitochondrial membrane.
Blur, they may be.
Uncalled for, they may be.
Forced to exclusion, they may be.
But they remain.
Memories remain,
Disjoint and distorted as they sail past the currents of time.
In an iridescent blinding glow.
The doors I kept banging,
But you shut it
And locked me out…
I kept calling,
But no voice returned my call…
And when I messaged my last trial message to work it out,
You turned me down…
Then with a weak heart,
I finally figured it out,
That you were out in bars late night,
Making out with girls…
And all I was,
Was a torn page from your dusted diary…
I didn’t wanna hurt you,
I didn’t wanna lose you,
But all you did was slashed me out…
I hug myself,
Trying to erase you from my mind…
But all I wanted was to know,
All I wanted was the truth,
All I wanted was to be a friend,
But you turned me down again and again…
No apologies were ever made,
No calls were ever made,
No message ever beeped
Rather I was blocked out of your life…
I am torn to know that you’re gone,
But it’s time I realize,
That you left for a reason,
A reason I’ll never know…
Maybe I should just learn to say goodbye,
Sometimes its best to let go…
And stop chasing shadows of past…
I don’t want to message you,
Yet I end up messaging you…
I don’t want to talk to you,
Yet I end up talking to you…
I don’t want to see you again,
Yet I end up meeting you…
Its happened again,
All the things I saw before,
All the things I believed in,
All the things I hoped for,
End up shattering into broken mirrors
Of expectations and my own undoing…
Of mistakes made time and again,
Mistakes that hurt me,
Pierce me,
Of tears swelling without my will…
Of hidden scars that expose themselves again…
Having been proved wrong time and again,
Yet not understanding cruel truths…
Of experiencing
Hypocritical lies and ties,
Yet not overcoming the ability to stop trusting…
Of having made mistakes
To fall into my pit of gloom,
Yet unable to correct my path…
Its as though I act out strong,
Yet the heart groans,
And tears flow unstopping…
Not wanting, yet happening….
Of having discovered life,
In its charms,
And having forgotten it
Just because of one person…
I know not the reason why I cry,
I know not what makes me cry….
But it’s the same feeling…
Of deprivation,
Of loss,
Of having thought of so much,
And happened so little….
Of flowers created by imagination
Only to be left dry….
To decay….
Of knowing truth,
And accepting it willingly,
Yet it pokes knife through my heart…
My brain and heart
Work independently…
Each out of sync with the other,
And thus here I lie,
In moments of happiness
And in moments of agony…
You’ll never know what I go through,
You’ll never know, what I face,
You’ll never know what I have been through…
You’ll never know what I say…
You’ll never know what I sought…
You’ll never know me….
And even though I charted out
That I knew you completely,
Or thinking I could change you,
Only turned out to be an illusion,
Now blurring away….
And even though you posed like the knight,
I should’ve known,
I was imagining again…
You don’t feel the same way like you did before,
Its ok….
I don’t want you to do things I tell you to…
It was my mistake that I thought you think the same way too…
So its ok….
And though I never wanted to be like this,
But still… its ok…
With my breath quieting,
Unable to breath,
My ears going numb,
Unable to hear,
And vision blurred,
With the tears I write….
I know,
It won’t ever be the same again….
But its ok….
And though acceptance is just hard…
All I need is a little more time…
And all I have to say is ::
It’s all ok….
She doesn’t know what love means…
With a heart too weak…
And a brain too complicated…
There’ll be words she’ll never say…
There’ll be moments of pure bliss,
There’ll be moments of smile behind the tears she hides…
The past like an ocean,
Cursed with stillness…
And raging currents within…
She was only a mermaid,
Too good from afar,
A sight he’d wish too see again…
But only too momentary,
As she dives into the home of memories,
Into a weary ocean…
His eyes made her forget,
Of all the pain she lived through…
His presence,
Made her realize what she’d missed through these years…
It was only a dream,
As she opened her eyes the next morning…
A dream cherished…
A dream for which she awaited..
But his beckoning call,
Was only a surprise…
Bitter-sweet…
For she was tied to the ocean she lived…
He told her to be free,
She wanted to…
He told her to be with him,
She wanted to…
But her wants were only too faint
As the currents swept her away…
She sank in the ocean she swam…
Tears blown out to waters…
That left no trail…
The world clapped,
The world ‘awed’,
The world sympathized,
With every shade of her, they saw…
Their opinions likewise…
She didn’t want to be their puppet anymore…
Deep within,
She longed for something she couldn’t get…
She wanted time to heal…
Time to untangle the mess she’d created…
Time to bless her…
Time to cure her…
Time; her only hope…
But her mind and heart were out of sync…
Just the way they had been for ages as the ocean swelled…
But her senses reacted invariably…
Her smile would cross her face with every thought of him,
Her eyes had stopped seeing any other guy except him,
Her heart would race with every voice of his,
Her eyes would glitter with every memory she had of him…
Those were words she held to her heart,
Unable to admit to what she felt,
With the rising ocean currents that she breathed in…
She wanted to fight out,
She wanted to make her stand,
She wanted to transform and shred her mermaid being…
But it would be only after a few years that she’ll be herself,
Be independent,
Be what she wants…
And his thoughts weren’t helping her either…
The thought of losing him ached through her core…
But she was ready not to fall again,
Not to fall for the ocean reminded her of her past…
She’d faced and been through the tough times,
And all she looked forward to,
Was her way to her independence…
Cause if not practiced well,
Would be drowned for the next 10 years…
A curse the ocean had on her…
And for now she only wished,
To gain her independence,
To gain that stand….
Willing to sacrifice her senses,
Willing to sacrifice her heart…
Willing to sacrifice herself….
Only to meet him again,
With no ocean to be dreaded…
With no memories that shall hold her back…
With no constraints…
She would wait…
Wait till the day she’d set out firm…
And if time willed,
He’d be back…
But if he was gone in a faraway island…
Happy with someone else..
She’d be happy for him,
Happy in his happiness…
She’d let time complete the story of hers…
